Friday, February 11, 2011

Le Madame du Café Montmartre


Tucked within a hidden alley
Just beyond the city square
Lies a rather fine establishment
To which no other can compare.

Some may find it fairly seedy;
However, the locals do all know
For cabernet and romance,
It is the only place to go.

The menu changes nightly
With the jazz a bit too loud;
Arriving after the dinner hour,
You'll likely miss the crowd.

For once the din subsides,
Lovers' whispers can be heard
Though the anticipation's felt
Without deciphering a word.

Overseeing each exchange
Is the proprietress we all know
As the highly regarded feline -
The Madame of Café Momo.

Immune to flattery of any sort,
She silently sips her wine
From a shadowed corner table
At which she later may dine.

On a perfectly blackened salmon
Or a well-seasoned florentine.
She'll rarely offer the time of day
Or acknowledge you've been seen.

Yet, let us make no mistake,
Not a moment does she miss
For her unblinking eyes
Catch each and every stolen kiss.

Greeting the dance of courtship
With her characteristic ennui,
She'll certainly bear her claws
If any disrespect comes to be.

Each one of her divas,
Though so eager to present,
In Madame's eyes remains naïve
Despite beauty heaven-sent.

All throughout the evening,
Her queens coif and they groom
While pondering which lucky tom
They'll invite back to their room.

Each must meet Madame's approval
Or back out to the street he'll go
For once the cabaret commences,
Nothing comes before the show.

Even Madame will perform tonight
As the first upon the stage
While the pianist's paws fumble
Through the music on the page.

Reassuring her accompaniment,
She saunters across the floor.
Yes, those remaining are here to stay
As she latches the front door.

The strings, at last, come in tune
As the houselights slowly fall;
And, Madame's moonlight croon
Never once turns to caterwaul.

See, Madame in her youth
Knew the fierce love of a tom;
But, it wasn't too much later,
She found herself a mom.

She knows first-hand the hardship
Of alone caring for young lives
For seldom do the toms return
To take their mistresses as wives.

The fate of Madame's little ones
Is, indeed, a sad story to tell
For the ferals of the city streets
Often know a living hell.

If you watch her face closely,
You may notice a tear, though rare.
This is not a show of weakness
But the offering of a prayer

That requests of the heavens
For her heart to one day mend
Though she knows many souls,
In innocence, will meet their end.

Thus, Madame has made it clear
As her own dues have been paid
That each queen in this cathouse
Makes it a priority to be spayed.

Though none of these lovely ladies
Hesitate to make her desires known,
Madame's ensured they'll never live
Through a heartbreak of their own. 


~ Kelly Bodeaux

... 2 of my loves... Montmartre and feline friends... Thank you Kelly, whoever you are.

5 in 60 seconds... Film

Here are 5 of my favourite films... in no particular order.... the first that came to mind in under a minute.

I decided not to ponder too long on this or else I WILL change my mind... so for whatever reason, when I think of the films I love-- these stood out.






I consider myself a bit of a film buff, not in a pretentious sort of way- just that I love the escapism, I love the story... and according to my (sub conscious) picks; brunette beauties (that includes you, Colin.)

I will try this again another time and see what I come up with... Expect also albums, books, musicians and more in a similar exercise in lfuture blog entries.

Single Mamas, I take my hat off to you...

What. A Week.



I knew it was going to be tough before it even began.

Grant was scheduled to be away for 2 weeks with work and I was far from looking forward to it all last weekend.

Not only would I miss him terribly, but it was going to be so hard being a 'single parent' for that time.

Unfortunately, this was not the first time Grant has been away since Avalon was born, he has been away twice before (each for 2 weeks) but this time I was just really not happy about it.

I have been more than forth coming with my honesty regarding Avalon and sleep, and 10 months on am feeling completely drained with each night of only a couple of hours interrupted sleep. My mood has been getting darker and have found that I am pulling away from the company of others-- I had needed help--- but I also just want to be left alone.

The day after Grant left, Avalon became sick; a runny nose then progressed into an infected eye, then two, and that culminated in a night of hell Wednesday. My poor little baby spent the entire night screaming as her eyes were stuck shut, with a blocked nose she could hardly breath from and on top of it all, was burning up. It was beyond upsetting to see her in such a state-- and I became scared as it had been only 3 months since I had seen her like this and that was the worst time of my life.

5am Thursday morning I took her to the emergency room at the local hospital; 4 hours later after seeing a nurse, doctor then paediatrician, we were sent home with the diagnosis: Viral Infection.

If she hadn't been so scarily unwell last November with Septicaemia I would not have been so 'panicky' but I was alone and the last time she went down hill so quickly, it was not worth the stalling.

On the plus side, Grant was sent home. Hopefully he won't have to return on Sunday to be away another week. I need all the help I can get at the moment (This very moment he is soothing Avalon back to sleep.) She is still not 100% but is on the mend. I hate when she is sick. It is awful, as it is for any parent-- you feel so helpless and would do anything to alleviate their pain.

There has been some great moments this week, tomorrow is Grant's 31st birthday so I have been getting his gift together. Avalon and I had a great time at Farnham Ceramics Cafe--That will be another blog after the big day. We did bits and bobs in Guildford and I wasn't having the best day emotionally, yet took a moment out-- had a cup of coffee and nursed my baby girl. I found that very calming. I know how strange that may sound as I feed her on demand. But because of they way I had been struggling, this particularly day will stay with me. We sat in the car, chilling out to Ben Harper and having a smiley feed.

Single Mothers.... Single Fathers... My hat is off to you. I honestly don't know how you do it.

I had a great laugh with my girlfriends today. It is rejuvenating to have a coffee and a giggle with Mamas that know (to some extent) how I feel.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Logging off.

So I have decided to have a self imposed internet/computer/facebook detox.



I am not sure for how long, but now seems to be the perfect opportunity with Grant being away.
The last month I have felt like I can't get on top of anything I need to do; all the computer stuff is getting in the way. Between emails, starting this blog, administrating (with others) 3 facebook pages, having 2 accounts, working on a business start up (yay!) and just your general faffing about I have seen my 'To Do' list grow longer and longer.

So I am logging off for an undisclosed amount of time.

I may be back sooner than you think but we will see.

So what do I plan to do? Tackle getting this house in shape, finish the pile of books I have waiting for me to read (including Elizabeth Pantley's The No-Cry Sleep Solution) watch some films, listen to music (why have I stopped this other than in the car?) and most importantly, spending even more quality time with Avalon.



So, Ciao for now, and see you when, well, I feel like it.

Army life SUCKS

Off to exercise (another year, a snowy February)

Ok, so tomorrow G is off for 2 weeks on military exercise. I hate this. As if it is not hard enough with the small amount of sleep we get each night I am left to do it alone for 2 weeks. he is such an amazing support on those nights (and days) when it all feels just a little too much. It is pretty typical of his unit to not understand how we need him here, as the phrase goes;

If the army wanted their soldiers to have a family, they would be issued with one.

I am counting the days until he leaves (he signed off last October.)

Hopefully we will be living the civilian life by the Summer. I am excited for the opportunities that lie ahead and most importantly leaving behind this lifestyle. No more moving, no more having your life dictated to you, no more hubby being away for pointless reasons and YES I think this exercise is pointless.

For as long as we have been married, Grant has been away, not only for his birthday, but for mine. Well that will all change soon. He is looking forward to not being told when to shine his boots and get a haircut- a little too much for a 30 year old, don'tcha think? As he said, a phrase borrowed from a fellow colleague, "I am not a big enough arsehole for this...' I know what he means and it makes me laugh, it is no disrespect to the others he works with, but works for? well....

So what am I going to do over the next 2 weeks? Enjoy my time with Avalon, taking it slow each day, seeing friends when we want and just being present with each other. Today has been a great example, as Grant has been busy preparing a lesson for the exercise and packing (HOURS of work- on a Saturday) the Little Miss and I have been playing with her toys and reading her new animals book we picked up from Oxfam today (she loves the touchy/feely books.

 I am excited to be seeing a friend next week I haven't seen for 3 years and introduce our girls to each other. It will be a great time but we will just miss our main man. Love you babe x

Friday, February 4, 2011

My lounge room kinda looks like Toys 'R' Us


Hindsight is a funny thing.

When you are pregnant, particularly with your first child I image, you think that you need so much 'stuff' for the new baby. You are swimming in such unfamiliar waters that you relies on the advice of others in regards to what baby will need; of course there are bits and bobs you could never have dreamed of while childless.

I still remember Grant and I standing in the middle of a Mothercare store while I rubbed my 6 month old bump and saying 'Ummm... HELP!' when asked if the assistant could find us anything. If I could converse with the old self I feel we could have saved ourselves a lot of money. It leaves me feel quesy when I think of the HOURS Grant and I put into researching pushchairs (size, weight, conversions, price) and I can count on 2 hands the amount of times I have used it in 10 months (I love you Ergo)
I am continually bemused when I see newly pregnant friends preparing for baby saying, 'I need this.... I have to have that!' Bemused... but yes, I understand that feeling oh too well.

I knew from the beginning that I was more than happy to relieve anyone of their second hand baby things. We were so lucky to have a few good friends that passed on to us their pre-loved goods; clothes, high chair, walker and toys. Avalon has made good use of all of it, and then off to the charity shop it goes.

As she reaches her first birthday *gasp* we have started to sell and give away some of her old toys and clothes as well as furniture. It is a good feeling, and helps to fill the pockets again. We have also decided to avoid any plastic toys for a number of reasons. Keep the toys to a minimum and let the family 'spoil' her if they so wish. It is hard to resist clothing sometimes (baby AC/DC T-shirt, anyone??) but I am going to have a crack at re-fashioning some of her (my) favourites whether because I loved the fabric or the graphics. There is also that quilt I plan on getting around to in this life-time so there are many clothes we are holding on to.

So, what would I advise Mums to be? Just... chill.... Babies really don't need all that much stuff... That is a battle you can fight when they get to 13.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

ART. Appreciation. Part Un.


I love this piece... I wish I knew who to attribute it to. It reminds me of Banksy (naturally) but I resonate with what it 'says'.

So often we second guess ourselves, or take a back seat to appease and please others. We put their feelings or their truth ahead of our own. We don't want the fight. We don't want the drama. Yet, it is only ourselves that lose out in the end.

So... "If you want to achieve greatness, stop asking for permission"... stop looking for recognition and just own what you do and who you are. PERIOD. I will work on this.


...you are peaches & cream to me


My blue eyed belle.....



Tomorrow, my baby will be 10 months old.

I cannot believe how quickly Avalon is growing, I know it is such a cliché but even in the last few weeks she had developed in leaps and bounds. I have already blogged my milestones post but this is about her personality; how I see her little ways developing and the sense of her.

She loves being around others; she is so smiley and cheerful, particularly at other children. it is wonderful to see. She knows her friends. I have a few really good friends here and she recognizes them straight away, and of course their children too. Today we went to visit my work where I have been on maternity leave from for 11 months, I love to hear others comment, "She is such a smiley baby","She is just beautiful" "What a clever little girl" and yes, I know as Mothers we always think that of our children and rightfully so, but when you hear it from folks you would never expect, your heart soars just a little further and I think with pride, ".... and she is mine".

She is so affectionate, I have waited for this moment for so long, when she hugs me back; wrapping her little arms tightly around my neck. She reaches for me to pick her up from playing on the floor, or out of the bed and tries to climb up my legs--- the look she gives her Dad when he enters a room is heart stopping. 

It is these moments, everyday, that I feel truly blessed.


Even now, as I take a moment to myself, I can hear Grant and Avalon reading 'Each Peach, Pear, Plum' a favourite book of mine as a child. Avalon shakes her hands with excitement as her Daddy turns the page, and does her best to mimic what he says (I swear she has said 'kitty' twice now.) They then pick another book, her sensory animals book which has proved a big hit; as Grant turns to each new page she giggle with delight, mimics his voice again and runs her hands over the fabric and felt on the pages. Love.

Daddy & Daughter

Today I we were playing at a friends house and she was holding a minute Peppa Pig figurine and was snorting! It was so sweet...  I know to others this may not seem like much, but to us, these small developments make our day. Today during dinner she said 'num num' after Grant said 'yum yum.' Yep... proud parents.

10 months old (almost)....

I can't believe that before I know it she will be walking... running... but first, celebrating her 1st birthday. The passing of time is bitter sweet.

So, on this day.... here is a song dedicated to my sweet girl.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Where would I be without YOU.


Let me preface this post with "I love my daughter more than anyone in the entire world."
Now... I can begin.
The last few days have been tough. Emotionally and to a point, physically.

I. HIT. MY WALL.

I thought that I had already hit my wall (a few times), but no, this wall reared it's ugly head 10 months AFTER the most amazing experience of my life.

I have spoken before about our issues with sleep in this house; issues being that none of us are getting a whole lot of it, and on top of that- I am finding through anxiety and stress, insomnia has now descended like a black cloud. It IS true, I guess sleep be-gets sleep.

So Sunday and Monday were two of the most emotionally difficult days I have had as a Mother, the solitary 1 hour of kip I had Saturday night was enough to tip me over the edge.

Sunday I felt physically sick through lack of sleep; wobbly legs, light headed, my skin was white as a ghost. My amazingly supportive and intuitive husband read me and knew that maybe an Avalon and Daddy day was needed and I was sent to bed, begrudgingly I might add, as I was missing a beautiful day with my family (Murphy's Law- the weather was divine!) The guilt set in, even though there was no way I could leave the house.

I drifted in and out of sleep over a 4 hour period (10am until 2pm) before we had visitors; I could only be social somewhat and again took myself back to bed (no sleep.)

Monday I decided it was time to ask for help- both reaching out to my on-line friends (YOU save me.) and also to the local GP- I felt I couldn't put it off much longer.

I. GOT. SHOT. DOWN. I can hardly go into what happened during that appointment but suffice to say I was given;
a) no support
b) no solution 
c) nowhere to turn.

I really do not have the energy or time to pour into this post how negative and soul destroying that 15 minute consultation was but my friends and family know. I was wrecked. I was done.

I couldn't even hide my meltdown from my friends and I am embarrassed to say, I lost it in the middle of town. Yes, I was a snivelling, snotty wreck in the high street- baby strapped to me and all.
I thank the stars that (so far) Avalon seems unaffected by these emotions; if I had seen her upset it would have magnified my feelings of helplessness. I felt useless, at the end of my tether, fed up, to some degree numb and more than anything EXHAUSTED. I was supposed to see other friends of mine that afternoon but after this meltdown I couldn't face company; lovingly, the concerned phone calls followed (I love you Mamas!) But I wasn't company for anyone.

Grant got my second meltdown of the day. I blame the stupid, heartless doctor this time. The third followed within hours. crying over nothing, me a heap on the kitchen floor. I am a little ashamed to type all this but as I am not sure who reads this anyway, I feel it cathartic to get it out further.

What started as my own issues of fatigue and insomnia, was quickly transformed through through the encounter with Dr. Evil to feelings of being inadequate and second guess the INFORMED choices I had made as a parent. How did I let this happen? How dare she?

I don't want this post to be about this darkness... I want to give a shout out to those that I could not do without; my wonderful friends and family... Those that I see every week; my fellow Mummy friends, the lovely Ledgers, my on-line community of fellow 'Attached' parents; letting me know that, hey, I am OK and YES, I am doing a pretty good job. They are the reason I spend my time on Facebook(Wastebook), immersing myself in a community of like-minded Mamas who support each other when the 'mainstream' turn up their noses at us.

Most importantly, THANK YOU Grant, I hardly have the words.... but you know what you mean to me. You put up with a lot.

Where would I be without YOU.... all.

Visitors from Australia... via Cairo


Yesterday my Aunt Lorraine & Aunt Jackie came to visit for a few hours.

They have been on a touring holiday through Egypt for the last 3 weeks and with all that is happening in Cairo with the protests, their tour was delayed (they had been due to depart Egypt for South Africa 5 days ago) and were finally diverted to London Heathrow.... for one night.

I am so glad they came to see us in not-so-sunny Hampshire.



It was so lovely to see some family; I have had a rough week, to say the least (another blog post maybe...) and I needed this visit.

I am slightly envious though, their photos of Egypt are spectacular and am sure their time in South Africa will be just as amazing, they will be in the Cape for several days before departing on the Queen Mary for 17 nights, through Mauritius and back to Australia.

Bon Voyage Lorraine and Jackie x

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Coffee, Scotch Eggs & Deli treats...


Now I love my big corporation coffee as much as the next caffeine addict (Starbucks I am looking at you!) and I will probably never quit them but their is something about getting your coffee fix from an independent cafe, or in this case, deli.

I love Caracoli.

We first discovered this place when we took a day trip to Arlesford earlier in the month and after deciding it was far too chilly to wander around Jane Austen's House (and it was nearing lunch), we ventured further to Arlesford to find something delicious. It was there we found Caracoli.


This little jem was not only filled with delicious food (eggs benedict, tortino anyone?) all sourced locally, but had delicious coffee and a deli section that I could have spent more than we earn in.


Whilst in Australia I discovered T2, an amazing tea emporium and here were their products for sale right here in Hampshire.... Brisbane Breakfast Blend please...


So we had a brunch of sorts, bought a new Vegetarian cookbook and enjoyed the chilly morning in Arlesford

G is impressed... Avalon is snoozing.


When we got home, I searched for the Caracoli web page and to my surprise discovered they had just opened up here in Guildford!

....Any excuse for a mosey into North Street suited me just fine. So today, we stopped in for lunch- it was very hard to resist the bear, walnut and brie on rye but I went with this treat below.... and coffee of course.

Vegetabularian Scotch Egg & Chutney

It was delicious, with great views of the town and although very busy, the staff were very friendly and helpful. We will definitely go there again for a bite to eat, or for a caffeine fix... and it gave me an idea for G's birthday in 2 weeks.


Friday, January 28, 2011

Friday nights are alright!


Friday means....

Big Daddy is home early from work... plenty of time to play.... chilling on the couch... and a glass of wine.

Tonight, it also means the best pizza money can by, made lovingly by my main man....


... and chill out with some tunes....



This is 'our' song......


There is no such thing as 'Baby Food'....

On our journey to crunchy enlightenment, we discovered a concept known as 'Baby Led Weaning' (BLW), or as I like to refer to it, 'Common Sense Eating'.

After Avalon's birth, and with the breastfeeding going swimmingly (and with no end in sight), I started to look into what we would do when it was time for Avalon to start exploring food sources other than boob juice.

I started reading a lot of information about BLW (and what exactly the term meant) through my fellow crunchy friends, in particular Sausage Mama. With that research we knew this was the way to go for us. We all like natural and easy... what could be better than that?

I guess a lot of people don't realise that breastfed babies don't actually require any food until two years of age. They get all the nutrients and goodness they need form their Mamas. I have one friend who said her son first 'ate' a sandwich on his 2nd birthday. Until then, the point of food is for exploration of tastes and textures, as well as feeling included at meal times.

We had planned to wait until Avalon was at least 6 months before giving her anything other than milk but she was curious at about 5 1/2 months (grasping for our foods, putting her hands to mouth etc) So we decided to give her something to try.... we started with some carrot from our garden.



5 months on, she 'eats' just about anything and feeds herself (no loaded spoons, no purées.)

Some common foods we have given her for breakfast are: fresh fruit, yoghurt, toast, peanut butter, vegemite, jam, scrambled egg, sausage, croissant (hey now!) Fir lunch she will usual just have a bit of whatever I am having; today we met up with some friends so I packed her a lunch box of grapes, organic chedder cheese and spelt biscuits. Dinner, she will eat a little of what we have too, I have found BLW fabulous for being accountable of what we eat; how much sugar and salt is on our food as well as eating organically. She LOVES asparagus, broccoli, pizza (who doesn't?) ravioli, Quorn mince and the list continues.... She drinks smoothies, juice and even the odd soy milkshake. Avalon and Grant had a day out together to the art gallery in Murwillumbah and she thoroughly enjoyed her strawberry soy milkshake.

We eat out quite a bit also, it is great that BLW fits in so well, no purées, bowls, jars, spoons to carry around... here we are at Wagamama (our favourite!) Avalon loves the edamame beans.



We eat as a family and at the same time which is EASIER for us (no puréeing!) and makes her feel included.

Breakfast

I have had a lot of questions about BLW ('Arent you worried she is hungry?' 'What about choking?') and it really all comes down to good old common sense and knowing your child's needs.

I was speaking to one of my dearest friend's, Elisabeth, about BLW. She has older children and she said. 'Hey, I did that-- it is just common sense, I didn't know it even had a name!'... That is what I love about it; easy, connected and sensible eating.

Ok... not BLW... but pretty cool anyway.


 I figure I am not a fan of eating mush so why should Avalon?

breakfast at Nannie & Grandads... Mango & Watermelon

Got any more??

Belissima Ravioli


The remains of the Spinach & Feta Pie featured a few blog posts ago.....

These were taken just now as Grant was preparing dinner.... snacking on a cherry tomato.
Photo credit to Uncle Graham.



If you are interested in baby led weaning, you can find out more from here.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

January Book Club


With the motivation to make more time for reading this year, I thought at the end of each month I will discuss what books I have read over the past month.

Here are my picks for January.



Everyone at Dartmoth College knows Kristina Kim, Conni Tobias, Albert Maplethorpe and Jim Shaw. Attractive, intelligent and poised for brilliant futures, they are campus elite, and ever since freshman years, they've been inseparable--almost like family. Led by the beautiful, spirited and enigmatic Kristina, they share an intimacy others envy.But it is more than camaraderie that unites the friends. Dark and seductive secrets bind the four to one another--intense passions and simmering tensions that have been building for years. When those passions finally explode the dead of a bitter cold night, a brutal act will be committed--one that will reveal shocking truths about each of them. 


I read this when I was in my first year at University, not as part of any course reading, but for a summer read while sunning myself by the pool. I enjoyed it then; a bit of fluffy light reading, but with a conclusion you see coming a mile off and a little heavy on the clichés.


I picked it up again when I was in Australia over the Christmas holidays, I couldn't remember how this 'thriller' panned out when I started to re-read and it didn't take long to realise it wasn't particularly great. Thumbs down. I guess I was feeling a sense of nostalgia when I picked it up again. Simons has her fans and I am sure they read anything she has published. I'll leave it to them.



The Continuum Concept introduces the idea that in order to achieve optimal physical, mental and emotional development, human beings - especially babies - require the kind of instinctive nurturing as practiced by our ancient relatives. It is a true; back to basics approach to parenting. 
Author Jean Liedloff spent two and-a-half years in the jungle deep in the heart of South America living with indigenous tribes and was astounded at how differently children are raised outside the Western world. She came to the realisation that essential child-rearing techniques such as touch, trust and community have been undermined in modern times, and in this book suggests practical ways to regain our natural well-being, for our children and ourselves.---


I recommend this book to anyone that has children or is thinking about starting a family. I feel very grateful that I knew of the theories discussed by Liedloff and more importantly, that I had found a 'crunchy community' before Avalon was born. 
An insightful read.