My OTHER Man

Ben Harper.

This man needs no introduction.

I have been fortunate enough to see him play live 3 times; once with Jack Johnson on the River Stage in Brisbane and twice at Blues Fest in my beloved Byron Bay.

I love the lyrics of this song. Although about smoking weed, I hear it not so literally. To me, they are about respecting the path others choose to walk and also being true to yourself.

"If you don't like my fire, then don't come around... Cause I'm gonna burn one down...."


"My choice is what I choose to do, and if I'm causing no harm it shouldn't bother you. 
Your choice is who you choose to be, so if you're causin' no harm then you're alright with me"

Let us burn one 

from end to end 

and pass it over 

to me my friend 

burn it long, we'll burn it slow 

to light me up before I go 

if you don't like my fire 

then don't come around 

cause I'm gonna burn one down 

yes I'm gonna burn one down 

my choice is what I choose to do 

and if I'm causing no harm 

it shouldn't bother you 

your choice is who you choose to bo 

and if you're causin' no harm 

then you're alright with me 

if you don't like my fire 

then don't come around 

cause I'm gonna burn one down 

yes I'm gonna burn one down 

herb the gift from the earth 

and what's from the earth 

is of the greatest worth 

so before you knock it try it first 

you'll see it's a blessing 

and not a curse 

if you don't like my fire 

then don't come around 

cause I'm gonna burn one down 

yes I'm gonna burn one down 

labels schnabels....

I love this blog post by actress & neuroscientist (hey, you don't see that often) and most importantly, Mom, Mayim Byalik.

For those reading, it is probably no surprise that I am in agreement with her way of parenting, but what she says about labels resonates so clearly with me.

"I don’t need to use labels to tell you who I am and how I choose to raise my kids. I do not judge anyone, because that’s not what my job on this earth is. My job is to do my best for my kids: to be the best mama I can be to them."

My husband and I parent from our hearts (I know that sounds hokey, but I hardly know any other way to describe it). We do what works for US... Us being Grant, myself and most importantly Avalon. We don't do anything just because we 'think it is right'... we parent to what is natural and instinctive in us, and most importantly, take our cues from our daughter. We have faced negative reactions for some of our practises and praise for others. All you can do is what feels right for your FAMILY.

We feel we are in tune with Avalon's needs, and without turning this into another lovefest, I am so grateful and blessed to have a PARTNER in my husband... someone who has the same ideas and philosophies as I in raising our gorgeous girl. The fact he is the one who makes our family bed big enough for 3 of us, and never 'insisting' she be 'in her own room' makes me love him that little bit more. I know some fathers who put their own needs before their child's; and I am by no means saying that, for example, Co-sleeping is the ONLY sleeping arrangement that works, but I am glad that we are a team, and I don't have to fight him on this, as I have heard others do. This is a full-time situation for us; not part-time.

But I digress...

I have often given myself the label 'Attachment Parent' and only on enquiring have I explained what I mean by that. To me it is common sense parenting, doing what is instinctual and natural for your family, so really, that deserves nor needs any label. I guess on some level it just made it easier for me to explain to others that do not see co-sleeping, homebirthing, full-term breastfeeding as the norm, WHY we do what we do.

So, I will aim to not label myself any further.

Just be HONEST with yourself, don't beat yourself up if you don't do something the same as others, and don't judge them for what they do... we are all different and their is more than one way to do anything... I am learning from Avalon everyday.

On a side note... I am watching right now as Grant is 'walking' with Avalon around our living room, holding her hands as she slowly puts one foot in front of the other.... What love is....