I knew it was going to be tough before it even began.
Grant was scheduled to be away for 2 weeks with work and I was far from looking forward to it all last weekend.
Not only would I miss him terribly, but it was going to be so hard being a 'single parent' for that time.
Unfortunately, this was not the first time Grant has been away since Avalon was born, he has been away twice before (each for 2 weeks) but this time I was just really not happy about it.
I have been more than forth coming with my honesty regarding Avalon and sleep, and 10 months on am feeling completely drained with each night of only a couple of hours interrupted sleep. My mood has been getting darker and have found that I am pulling away from the company of others-- I had needed help--- but I also just want to be left alone.
The day after Grant left, Avalon became sick; a runny nose then progressed into an infected eye, then two, and that culminated in a night of hell Wednesday. My poor little baby spent the entire night screaming as her eyes were stuck shut, with a blocked nose she could hardly breath from and on top of it all, was burning up. It was beyond upsetting to see her in such a state-- and I became scared as it had been only 3 months since I had seen her like this and that was the worst time of my life.
5am Thursday morning I took her to the emergency room at the local hospital; 4 hours later after seeing a nurse, doctor then paediatrician, we were sent home with the diagnosis: Viral Infection.
If she hadn't been so scarily unwell last November with Septicaemia I would not have been so 'panicky' but I was alone and the last time she went down hill so quickly, it was not worth the stalling.
On the plus side, Grant was sent home. Hopefully he won't have to return on Sunday to be away another week. I need all the help I can get at the moment (This very moment he is soothing Avalon back to sleep.) She is still not 100% but is on the mend. I hate when she is sick. It is awful, as it is for any parent-- you feel so helpless and would do anything to alleviate their pain.
There has been some great moments this week, tomorrow is Grant's 31st birthday so I have been getting his gift together. Avalon and I had a great time at Farnham Ceramics Cafe--That will be another blog after the big day. We did bits and bobs in Guildford and I wasn't having the best day emotionally, yet took a moment out-- had a cup of coffee and nursed my baby girl. I found that very calming. I know how strange that may sound as I feed her on demand. But because of they way I had been struggling, this particularly day will stay with me. We sat in the car, chilling out to Ben Harper and having a smiley feed.
Single Mothers.... Single Fathers... My hat is off to you. I honestly don't know how you do it.
I had a great laugh with my girlfriends today. It is rejuvenating to have a coffee and a giggle with Mamas that know (to some extent) how I feel.
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