Where would I be without YOU.

Let me preface this post with "I love my daughter more than anyone in the entire world."
Now... I can begin.
The last few days have been tough. Emotionally and to a point, physically.

I. HIT. MY WALL.

I thought that I had already hit my wall (a few times), but no, this wall reared it's ugly head 10 months AFTER the most amazing experience of my life.

I have spoken before about our issues with sleep in this house; issues being that none of us are getting a whole lot of it, and on top of that- I am finding through anxiety and stress, insomnia has now descended like a black cloud. It IS true, I guess sleep be-gets sleep.

So Sunday and Monday were two of the most emotionally difficult days I have had as a Mother, the solitary 1 hour of kip I had Saturday night was enough to tip me over the edge.

Sunday I felt physically sick through lack of sleep; wobbly legs, light headed, my skin was white as a ghost. My amazingly supportive and intuitive husband read me and knew that maybe an Avalon and Daddy day was needed and I was sent to bed, begrudgingly I might add, as I was missing a beautiful day with my family (Murphy's Law- the weather was divine!) The guilt set in, even though there was no way I could leave the house.

I drifted in and out of sleep over a 4 hour period (10am until 2pm) before we had visitors; I could only be social somewhat and again took myself back to bed (no sleep.)

Monday I decided it was time to ask for help- both reaching out to my on-line friends (YOU save me.) and also to the local GP- I felt I couldn't put it off much longer.

I. GOT. SHOT. DOWN. I can hardly go into what happened during that appointment but suffice to say I was given;
a) no support
b) no solution 
c) nowhere to turn.

I really do not have the energy or time to pour into this post how negative and soul destroying that 15 minute consultation was but my friends and family know. I was wrecked. I was done.

I couldn't even hide my meltdown from my friends and I am embarrassed to say, I lost it in the middle of town. Yes, I was a snivelling, snotty wreck in the high street- baby strapped to me and all.
I thank the stars that (so far) Avalon seems unaffected by these emotions; if I had seen her upset it would have magnified my feelings of helplessness. I felt useless, at the end of my tether, fed up, to some degree numb and more than anything EXHAUSTED. I was supposed to see other friends of mine that afternoon but after this meltdown I couldn't face company; lovingly, the concerned phone calls followed (I love you Mamas!) But I wasn't company for anyone.

Grant got my second meltdown of the day. I blame the stupid, heartless doctor this time. The third followed within hours. crying over nothing, me a heap on the kitchen floor. I am a little ashamed to type all this but as I am not sure who reads this anyway, I feel it cathartic to get it out further.

What started as my own issues of fatigue and insomnia, was quickly transformed through through the encounter with Dr. Evil to feelings of being inadequate and second guess the INFORMED choices I had made as a parent. How did I let this happen? How dare she?

I don't want this post to be about this darkness... I want to give a shout out to those that I could not do without; my wonderful friends and family... Those that I see every week; my fellow Mummy friends, the lovely Ledgers, my on-line community of fellow 'Attached' parents; letting me know that, hey, I am OK and YES, I am doing a pretty good job. They are the reason I spend my time on Facebook(Wastebook), immersing myself in a community of like-minded Mamas who support each other when the 'mainstream' turn up their noses at us.

Most importantly, THANK YOU Grant, I hardly have the words.... but you know what you mean to me. You put up with a lot.

Where would I be without YOU.... all.

Visitors from Australia... via Cairo

Yesterday my Aunt Lorraine & Aunt Jackie came to visit for a few hours.

They have been on a touring holiday through Egypt for the last 3 weeks and with all that is happening in Cairo with the protests, their tour was delayed (they had been due to depart Egypt for South Africa 5 days ago) and were finally diverted to London Heathrow.... for one night.

I am so glad they came to see us in not-so-sunny Hampshire.

It was so lovely to see some family; I have had a rough week, to say the least (another blog post maybe...) and I needed this visit.

I am slightly envious though, their photos of Egypt are spectacular and am sure their time in South Africa will be just as amazing, they will be in the Cape for several days before departing on the Queen Mary for 17 nights, through Mauritius and back to Australia.

Bon Voyage Lorraine and Jackie x

Coffee, Scotch Eggs & Deli treats...

Now I love my big corporation coffee as much as the next caffeine addict (Starbucks I am looking at you!) and I will probably never quit them but their is something about getting your coffee fix from an independent cafe, or in this case, deli.

I love Caracoli.

We first discovered this place when we took a day trip to Arlesford earlier in the month and after deciding it was far too chilly to wander around Jane Austen's House (and it was nearing lunch), we ventured further to Arlesford to find something delicious. It was there we found Caracoli.

This little jem was not only filled with delicious food (eggs benedict, tortino anyone?) all sourced locally, but had delicious coffee and a deli section that I could have spent more than we earn in.

Whilst in Australia I discovered T2, an amazing tea emporium and here were their products for sale right here in Hampshire.... Brisbane Breakfast Blend please...

So we had a brunch of sorts, bought a new Vegetarian cookbook and enjoyed the chilly morning in Arlesford

G is impressed... Avalon is snoozing.

When we got home, I searched for the Caracoli web page and to my surprise discovered they had just opened up here in Guildford!

....Any excuse for a mosey into North Street suited me just fine. So today, we stopped in for lunch- it was very hard to resist the bear, walnut and brie on rye but I went with this treat below.... and coffee of course.

Vegetabularian Scotch Egg & Chutney

It was delicious, with great views of the town and although very busy, the staff were very friendly and helpful. We will definitely go there again for a bite to eat, or for a caffeine fix... and it gave me an idea for G's birthday in 2 weeks.

Friday nights are alright!

Friday means....

Big Daddy is home early from work... plenty of time to play.... chilling on the couch... and a glass of wine.

Tonight, it also means the best pizza money can by, made lovingly by my main man....

... and chill out with some tunes....

This is 'our' song......

There is no such thing as 'Baby Food'....

On our journey to crunchy enlightenment, we discovered a concept known as 'Baby Led Weaning' (BLW), or as I like to refer to it, 'Common Sense Eating'.

After Avalon's birth, and with the breastfeeding going swimmingly (and with no end in sight), I started to look into what we would do when it was time for Avalon to start exploring food sources other than boob juice.

I started reading a lot of information about BLW (and what exactly the term meant) through my fellow crunchy friends, in particular Sausage Mama. With that research we knew this was the way to go for us. We all like natural and easy... what could be better than that?

I guess a lot of people don't realise that breastfed babies don't actually require any food until two years of age. They get all the nutrients and goodness they need form their Mamas. I have one friend who said her son first 'ate' a sandwich on his 2nd birthday. Until then, the point of food is for exploration of tastes and textures, as well as feeling included at meal times.

We had planned to wait until Avalon was at least 6 months before giving her anything other than milk but she was curious at about 5 1/2 months (grasping for our foods, putting her hands to mouth etc) So we decided to give her something to try.... we started with some carrot from our garden.

5 months on, she 'eats' just about anything and feeds herself (no loaded spoons, no purées.)

Some common foods we have given her for breakfast are: fresh fruit, yoghurt, toast, peanut butter, vegemite, jam, scrambled egg, sausage, croissant (hey now!) Fir lunch she will usual just have a bit of whatever I am having; today we met up with some friends so I packed her a lunch box of grapes, organic chedder cheese and spelt biscuits. Dinner, she will eat a little of what we have too, I have found BLW fabulous for being accountable of what we eat; how much sugar and salt is on our food as well as eating organically. She LOVES asparagus, broccoli, pizza (who doesn't?) ravioli, Quorn mince and the list continues.... She drinks smoothies, juice and even the odd soy milkshake. Avalon and Grant had a day out together to the art gallery in Murwillumbah and she thoroughly enjoyed her strawberry soy milkshake.

We eat out quite a bit also, it is great that BLW fits in so well, no purées, bowls, jars, spoons to carry around... here we are at Wagamama (our favourite!) Avalon loves the edamame beans.

We eat as a family and at the same time which is EASIER for us (no puréeing!) and makes her feel included.

Breakfast

I have had a lot of questions about BLW ('Arent you worried she is hungry?' 'What about choking?') and it really all comes down to good old common sense and knowing your child's needs.

I was speaking to one of my dearest friend's, Elisabeth, about BLW. She has older children and she said. 'Hey, I did that-- it is just common sense, I didn't know it even had a name!'... That is what I love about it; easy, connected and sensible eating.

Ok... not BLW... but pretty cool anyway.

 I figure I am not a fan of eating mush so why should Avalon?

breakfast at Nannie & Grandads... Mango & Watermelon

Got any more??

Belissima Ravioli

The remains of the Spinach & Feta Pie featured a few blog posts ago.....

These were taken just now as Grant was preparing dinner.... snacking on a cherry tomato.

Photo credit to Uncle Graham.

If you are interested in baby led weaning, you can find out more from here.

January Book Club

With the motivation to make more time for reading this year, I thought at the end of each month I will discuss what books I have read over the past month.

Here are my picks for January.

Everyone at Dartmoth College knows Kristina Kim, Conni Tobias, Albert Maplethorpe and Jim Shaw. Attractive, intelligent and poised for brilliant futures, they are campus elite, and ever since freshman years, they've been inseparable--almost like family. Led by the beautiful, spirited and enigmatic Kristina, they share an intimacy others envy.But it is more than camaraderie that unites the friends. Dark and seductive secrets bind the four to one another--intense passions and simmering tensions that have been building for years. When those passions finally explode the dead of a bitter cold night, a brutal act will be committed--one that will reveal shocking truths about each of them. 


I read this when I was in my first year at University, not as part of any course reading, but for a summer read while sunning myself by the pool. I enjoyed it then; a bit of fluffy light reading, but with a conclusion you see coming a mile off and a little heavy on the clichés.


I picked it up again when I was in Australia over the Christmas holidays, I couldn't remember how this 'thriller' panned out when I started to re-read and it didn't take long to realise it wasn't particularly great. Thumbs down. I guess I was feeling a sense of nostalgia when I picked it up again. Simons has her fans and I am sure they read anything she has published. I'll leave it to them.

The Continuum Concept introduces the idea that in order to achieve optimal physical, mental and emotional development, human beings - especially babies - require the kind of instinctive nurturing as practiced by our ancient relatives. It is a true; back to basics approach to parenting. 
Author Jean Liedloff spent two and-a-half years in the jungle deep in the heart of South America living with indigenous tribes and was astounded at how differently children are raised outside the Western world. She came to the realisation that essential child-rearing techniques such as touch, trust and community have been undermined in modern times, and in this book suggests practical ways to regain our natural well-being, for our children and ourselves.---


I recommend this book to anyone that has children or is thinking about starting a family. I feel very grateful that I knew of the theories discussed by Liedloff and more importantly, that I had found a 'crunchy community' before Avalon was born. 
An insightful read.

Domestic Goddess Part Deux

Introducing....

While the little one and the hubby are playing then bathing upstairs, I thought I would whip up a treat to go with my coffee tomorrow...
This one is a tried and tested recipe but here it is for you to enjoy too...

Now, first things first, pour yourself a class of wine... I recommend a red from the Stellenbosch region...
Make sure to take frequent 'breaks' to sip and enjoy.

Grease a tin....

Mash 2 bananas

*sip*

In a mixing bowl combine 150g of castor sugar and 125g of melted unsalted butter..... 

... mix in the mashed banana

... add two eggs... beat well.

*sip*... again

To the mix add 1/2 tsp of bicarb... 2 tsp of baking powder... and 150g of plain flour...

.... and fold.....

100g of chopped walnuts

Pop the loaf in a pre-heated oven for 50mins (gas mark 3)... time to polish off that glass of red...

and...

Voila!... banana & walnut loaf. 

You don't have to thank me.

I want, I need, I must have.

These...

.... breath.....

The Iron Fist Ruby Slipper. I bow before them. I covet them. I shall inconspicuously leave a picture of them for my husband to see (with the purchase details of course!) It has worked with Tiffany before, maybe I will be in luck again. These are the perfect gift for Valentine's Day... or a 4 year wedding anniversary?.... Big Daddy D... are you reading??

I love all things Iron Fist and have several pairs of their killer heels (plus a bathing suit)... They certainly make statement shoes, just the way I like it. I love my jeans, I love my Chuck Taylor's, but sometimes, you want your shoes to do the talkin'.