I want, I need, I must have.

These...

.... breath.....

The Iron Fist Ruby Slipper. I bow before them. I covet them. I shall inconspicuously leave a picture of them for my husband to see (with the purchase details of course!) It has worked with Tiffany before, maybe I will be in luck again. These are the perfect gift for Valentine's Day... or a 4 year wedding anniversary?.... Big Daddy D... are you reading??

I love all things Iron Fist and have several pairs of their killer heels (plus a bathing suit)... They certainly make statement shoes, just the way I like it. I love my jeans, I love my Chuck Taylor's, but sometimes, you want your shoes to do the talkin'.

My baby is a STAR!

So today Miss A crawled forward for the first time, my heart bursts with pride!

I thought I best blog this lovely moment; I have been extremely slack with recording her growth over the past year so I will do my best now. I also wanted to muse about the idea of baby milestones.

In the last month she started laying on her stomach for longer... then moved to up on her hands and knees, to crawling BACKWARDS and then today, she went forwards... she only did it twice... but YAY!... my baby girl is growing up.

I suspected she may take a little while to crawl as she hated being left on her tummy, she had such bad reflux and colic in her first few months that we never put her on her stomach, much to the disdain of many 'health professionals' around me.

Look, I take the view that she would, sit up, crawl, walk, talk and wean in her own sweet time and that is exactly what she is doing.

Even at only a couple of months old, Avalon was sitting up. To be honest, I haven't seen another baby that has been the way she is in terms of leg strength and also in back and neck strength. She was sitting unaided at 5 months and had been bearing weight on her legs long before that. I figured her for one of these children who would never crawl and just go straight to walking. We will see.

She loves to pull herself up and stand at the couch, play walker, table. She 'walks' with my husband holding her hands-- one foot in front of the other. Gahhh... I am one proud Mummy.

She has also gotten her first tooth in the last 2 weeks, I have felt like she had been 'teething' since she was about 12 weeks old, and have had the amber teething necklace on her 24/7 since then. I guess the jury is still out on it's effectiveness but I have drunk the Kool Aid-- I think it has been great. Avalon never drools and dribbles and I attribute that to the necklace. We have had some inquiring looks about it, but like all else, hey ho!

Milestones are a funny thing, I am not sure if there is 'competition' or not amongst parents as to who does what first. It strikes me as so odd (and terribly silly) I have never felt like that! All will happen in each babies own time. My wish away time? I first notice with the sleep issue "Is she sleeping through the night?" I was being asked that at only a few weeks old. At first I wasn't sure if it aggravated me so as I was sensitive to the fact that she wasn't but then  I just came to the conclusion that all babies are different , and these milestone queries are annoying whether they are sleep related or not!

Each baby will get there in their own time; my best friend apparently didn't speak a word until she was 2 years old and she is one of the most articulate and intelligent people I know. My friend's child got her first tooth at 12 weeks old, and here we are, first tooth at 9 + months. All babies are different and considering the coming through of teeth is really something that cannot be 'controlled' I find the urgency for such as really odd. Another god friend of mine has a daughter who is almost 11 months; she has 9 teeth, crawls faster than I can walk, walks along aided by props and yet has only just started clapping this past week ('A' has been doing that a month or more.) Listen up, the pressure is OFF parents (and family!) Each to their own time.

Avalon was smiling within her first 2 weeks; with her mouth and her eyes... she was always very serene and inquisitive, I have heard her described as an 'Old Soul' on several occasions and I know what people mean- sometimes it is like she looks through you, my brother was the same as a baby and I remember that time well. I guess some babies just sort of stare in the first few months, Avie looked at you like she was sizing you up, trying to figure you out. At almost 10 months old she still has that look about her- adding to that the squeals, arm flapping and hand clapping when she sees her favourite people, my friend Tracy says she feels like a rockstar whenever she sees her.

She started scooching along on her bottom at 8, almost 9 months. One moment she is sitting still, the next time you turn back and she is halfway across the room. It is strange yet and wondrous.

I can hardly remember when she started saying 'Mama'... I believe she was about 5 to 6 months old; I still think that 'Mama' means 'Milk' to her. We also get 'Dada' and 'Nana'.

Even as I type this now I am watching her playing amongst her toys; she is singing, playing with her socks, sizing up her legs (Theses things are still here? Oh they do that!) Her Kora Koala is getting pats on the back interspersed with tight squeezes and bites (yes, don't forget that tooth.) Then the koala gets discarded and she is off on a crawl.... something else has caught her eye.

I could sit and watch her forever.

Globe Trotting.

Ever since I was a child, the idea of seeing the world filled me with such wonder and excitement my fingers would twitch! Being a total film buff, I wanted to see the amazing lands I was being transported to; from the rolling hills of Austria (The Sound of music) to the city streets of London (Mary Poppins) - Oh yes... I had a 'thing' for Julie Andrews.

When I was 13, I went overseas for the 1st time to Fiji; what a beautiful and magical place. I feel very lucky that my parents could take us to such an amazing spot for our Christmas vacation, although I have vague recollections of being quite the sullen teen, it is still one of my fondest memories... I would take long walks along the beach in the evenings, swimming in the bluest ocean you have ever seen- truly it is paradise.

When I was 17 I was given an even greater oppurtunity, to be a youth exchange student in America through the Lions Club... Boy, oh boy, 6 weeks spent with 2 host families- seeing their local areas, living with them as a family member and soaking up some good ol' American culture.

I went to California, Colorado, Michigan, Iowa, Minnesota, Indiana, Illinois. I stayed with my host families in Martin, Michigan & Sigourney, Iowa. Both rural, small times. I loved it. It was such an amazing experience and I still keep in touch with these families 12 years later (and some fellow students thanks to social networking.)

Whilst in my final year of school the romantic idea of travelling through Europe could not escape my mind, I had grown up pouring over my Mum's photos of her backpacking as a student and my little country town was starting to make my skin crawl. I wanted to stand at the Trevi fountain like my Mother had... Climb the Eiffel Tower... Kiss the Blarney Stone. I wanted it all.

I planned out a very crude map of where I was going to travel (thanks to an out of date Lonely Planet Guide)... I wanted to see the United Kingdom, France, Greece, Italy.... but... Life got in the way... What would easily derail a 17 year olds plan? Well, I fell in love. Hard. I am embarrassed to say it consumed alot of my final year at school... I would never say negatively in terms of my school work (thank God) but in terms of taking off for the other side of the world for a few months? Well... That went on the back burner.

Straight after school I moved out of home. I was minus one boyfriend (heartache), plus a new one (*sigh*) and was starting university the following year. Travel was pretty much not a word in my vocabulary for the next 3 years... Ok... 4 years (I had a degree change.)

Fast forward to 2003 and that restless feeling came back, yep, I couldn't shake it... I wanted to go to Europe! I had been in a relationship for 3 years and on a whim one Saturday, walked into a travel agent, and booked my holiday of a lifetime; 6 weeks in Europe. I had finished university, but was waiting to graduate, my relationship could pretty much be described as 'meh' and I needed an escape. One of my closest girlfriends decided to come along too (I had booked onto 2 touring groups) and then the fun began.

In the Summer of 2003 we went to Singapore, the United Kingdom, France, Spain, Italy, Lichtenstein, Monaco, Germany, Greece, Belgium, The Netherlands, Austria, Switzerland and Ireland. It was a blast, I hardly have the words to describe what that trip meant to me; but I have hundreds of photos from that time that  treasure and I cannot wait to share them with my daughter. You only see Pompei for the first time once. It hit me ("I am here") when I first saw the Eiffel Tower. Cheesy, I know. But it takes my breath away (and have been back to Paris twice since then.)

My best friend Kate was living in London at the time so I got to spend a little bit of time with her. London was just. Me. I didn't want to leave, but I had someone waiting for me at home and a graduation ceremony to attend. I will never forget the day before I left London that summer, sitting in a pub in Russell Square, ironically named 'London Pub' and saying to Kate, "I'll be back here again before you leave." She was planning on leaving in 2005 so that gave me two years to save my pennies and get myself back to Ol' Blighty.

....and that is what I did.

On March 15th, 2005, I left Brisbane International airport with tears streaming down my face for the adventure of a lifetime. I was taking a years leave from my job with the Commonwealth Bank, a years leave from my boyfriend of 5 years (the deal was, I WOULD be back) and saying farewell to my friends and family for 12 months.

I was in Thailand when it hit me. Shit. WHAT. HAVE. I. DONE??? I have no job, hardly any money, boyfriend and family on the other side of the world. SHIT! I got through that 8 hour wait in Bangkok airport with a battered copy of King's, "It" and some semi positive thoughts. To this day I would say this is the bravest thing I have ever done.

I moved in with Kate in Ealing Common ("I am here. I promised I would be back") before we moved into a flat share in Victoria. Central London, baby... I was loving it.

Fast forward to 2009 and I am still in the UK, married to the man of my dreams (NO, not him!) and travelling to South Africa to meet many of his family for the first time. Seeing the exquisite sites of Cape Town, Stellenbosch, Margate, Graskop and Kruger National Park. We stayed with G's Dad in Johannesburg too. We did a Great White Shark dive in Gansbaai- A-MAZE-ING!

In the same year we ventured back to the US with my work (Los Angeles and San Diego) and back home to Australia for a friends wedding (since leaving in 2005 I have been back 4 times??)

Travel is in my blood. I will never stop exploring and wanting to know/see/experience more. I would love to see the Canadian Rockies, or enjoy coffee in a street cafe in Göteborg.... and we will, but these adventures will be as a family.

Seeing the world is something I want for Avalon. I feel it is so important to see how others live, how other cultures thrive, and that is an education you cannot get from any institution. I would always encourage her to see the world, and along with giving birth to her, it is the accomplishment I am most proud of. I cannot wait to share this experience with her.

The world is your oyster, baby....

My OTHER Man

Ben Harper.

This man needs no introduction.

I have been fortunate enough to see him play live 3 times; once with Jack Johnson on the River Stage in Brisbane and twice at Blues Fest in my beloved Byron Bay.

I love the lyrics of this song. Although about smoking weed, I hear it not so literally. To me, they are about respecting the path others choose to walk and also being true to yourself.

"If you don't like my fire, then don't come around... Cause I'm gonna burn one down...."


"My choice is what I choose to do, and if I'm causing no harm it shouldn't bother you. 
Your choice is who you choose to be, so if you're causin' no harm then you're alright with me"

Let us burn one 

from end to end 

and pass it over 

to me my friend 

burn it long, we'll burn it slow 

to light me up before I go 

if you don't like my fire 

then don't come around 

cause I'm gonna burn one down 

yes I'm gonna burn one down 

my choice is what I choose to do 

and if I'm causing no harm 

it shouldn't bother you 

your choice is who you choose to bo 

and if you're causin' no harm 

then you're alright with me 

if you don't like my fire 

then don't come around 

cause I'm gonna burn one down 

yes I'm gonna burn one down 

herb the gift from the earth 

and what's from the earth 

is of the greatest worth 

so before you knock it try it first 

you'll see it's a blessing 

and not a curse 

if you don't like my fire 

then don't come around 

cause I'm gonna burn one down 

yes I'm gonna burn one down 

labels schnabels....

I love this blog post by actress & neuroscientist (hey, you don't see that often) and most importantly, Mom, Mayim Byalik.

For those reading, it is probably no surprise that I am in agreement with her way of parenting, but what she says about labels resonates so clearly with me.

"I don’t need to use labels to tell you who I am and how I choose to raise my kids. I do not judge anyone, because that’s not what my job on this earth is. My job is to do my best for my kids: to be the best mama I can be to them."

My husband and I parent from our hearts (I know that sounds hokey, but I hardly know any other way to describe it). We do what works for US... Us being Grant, myself and most importantly Avalon. We don't do anything just because we 'think it is right'... we parent to what is natural and instinctive in us, and most importantly, take our cues from our daughter. We have faced negative reactions for some of our practises and praise for others. All you can do is what feels right for your FAMILY.

We feel we are in tune with Avalon's needs, and without turning this into another lovefest, I am so grateful and blessed to have a PARTNER in my husband... someone who has the same ideas and philosophies as I in raising our gorgeous girl. The fact he is the one who makes our family bed big enough for 3 of us, and never 'insisting' she be 'in her own room' makes me love him that little bit more. I know some fathers who put their own needs before their child's; and I am by no means saying that, for example, Co-sleeping is the ONLY sleeping arrangement that works, but I am glad that we are a team, and I don't have to fight him on this, as I have heard others do. This is a full-time situation for us; not part-time.

But I digress...

I have often given myself the label 'Attachment Parent' and only on enquiring have I explained what I mean by that. To me it is common sense parenting, doing what is instinctual and natural for your family, so really, that deserves nor needs any label. I guess on some level it just made it easier for me to explain to others that do not see co-sleeping, homebirthing, full-term breastfeeding as the norm, WHY we do what we do.

So, I will aim to not label myself any further.

Just be HONEST with yourself, don't beat yourself up if you don't do something the same as others, and don't judge them for what they do... we are all different and their is more than one way to do anything... I am learning from Avalon everyday.

On a side note... I am watching right now as Grant is 'walking' with Avalon around our living room, holding her hands as she slowly puts one foot in front of the other.... What love is....

Sleeping with one eye open...

The one issue we have struggled with since having a child is the sleep deprivation... It is hard to explain to someone that hasn't really experienced it how much it impacts your day to day well being. I have had days (particularly in the first 3 months or so) where I hardly knew my own name. Where I have been short tempered with my husband and probably anyone else who had the misfortune of getting in my way. Days I could hardly speak. Days I felt positively depressed.

I could have never anticipated how it would really be until we were faced with it. Now, now, I promise you, this is not a little complaining about an interrupted 8 hour slumber, we are talking about 10 months of 3 or 4 hours maximum sleep a night (and sometimes less.) I feel like this is our 'thing'... I had a great pregnancy, a dream labour... and now is the hard part.

What can I say? Our girl doesnt like/need a lot of sleep. She is a very bright and active little girl, she has always been very alert, with an old soul look about her and smiles from 2 weeks old.

As new parents, we just accepted it as part of the package and rolled with it for the first 3 months. Sometimes doing 'split shifts' of staying up with A as she cried, fed, played throughout the night, sometimes just doing what we could when she awoke after only an hour or two slumber.

I have watched every other 'Mummy friend' I have with children of similar age reach the point where their child started 'sleeping through'; which by very definition is 5 hours in a row-- the majority of these children now give their parents 10 hours of kip.

It has been challenging for all of us; there have been tears and there have been raised voices. But.... we do it as a family.... THANK YOU, G.... your baby rocking skills are yet to be surpassed.

From the first night she was born, Avalon has slept with us in our bed, yes, the family bed.

Despite the difficulties of sleep deprivation, it is still 100 times easier, in our opinion, to have our little girl beside (or between) us in bed. 

There are many reasons to co-sleep that benefit both children and their parents, but primarily for us co-sleeping has made breastfeeding, well feeding in general, so much easier. Again, some nights my coping mechanisms are better and than others, some I feed her while we both sleep, others I lie awake while she sleepily nurses and I get kicked in the stomach and think my nipples may actually fall off!

But co-sleeping is more than just making it EASIER for us, we LOVE to have her with us at night.

I have lost count the amount of times I have been challenged emotionally (and physically) by ANOTHER 'rough' night, yet I am right there at 5am as she opens her eyes for the very first time that day.

I can hardly describe the feeling of  love that washes over me, and washes away the feelings of hardship from the previous night. After those little eyes open, I get the biggest and brightest smile - yes, EVERY DAY.
Is there are better way for the day to begin?

There have been times G and I have laughed at 1am as Avalon has decided that is the time to play, letting out a huge sigh and 'singing'' in the way only she can. I know we aren't missing a thing (except some shut eye.)

It guess it isn't always a bed of roses... but it is for us.

(For more information on breastfeeding and co-sleeping, I highly recommend 'The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding' from La Leche League International. See it here. )

The life & times of a (somewhat) domestic goddess....

Added to the list of activities that we love to do as a family is cooking together. Nothing warms the heart cockles (and fills the tum) like stirring/chopping/grilling up a storm in the kitchen.

Since making the pledge to eat healthier and more 'green', we have taken more time to sources local and organic ingredients to cook for ourselves, rather than opting for take out- well, I have taken more time, I am not the Masterchef in our house, that has always been G, who not only has taken to the kitchen with a passion *ahem* but concocts such delicacies that it puts whatever I try my hand at to shame (apart from baking... I RULE at baking.)

The typical Friday and Saturday night for us is going through the myriad of cookbooks we have and choosing a recipe to do together (all with the help of frequent vino breaks and baby 'helping' moments.) I would like to add that this happens during the week too-- with much less wine.

So last night on the menu was spinach & feta pie (with a side of cherry tomato salad)... and oh yes... we did good (recipe available on request).

The post that needs no title.....

My husband is the man I never in a million years dreamed could be mine; his intelligence and social awareness move me...his rugged good looks weaken me. 

I knew I would marry him from the very moment I met him.

He has a wicked glint in his eye and a sense of humour like no other. His hands are strong and capable, and can fix anything that needs a' fixin. His smile melts my heart each time I see it and the way his eyes crinkle as he lets out a belly laugh stop in my tracks. My husband is very much a man. He does not suffer fools lightly which lead to awkward social situations and yet his tenderness and patience with our daughter is awe inspiring. I strive to be more like him. To be as attached as him. I feel so LUCKY and so GRATEFUL that he is mine and more importantly, that he is Avalon's Daddy. He plays the guitar with passion and ease, composing songs for me and his baby girl. I have captured forever in my heart the day he sung a Bengali lullaby to our girl as she drifted to sleep. 

He has helped make my dreams come true, first and foremost by giving me Avalon and secondly for ALWAYS encouraging me in whatever it is that takes my heart's fancy with a reassuring, 'You can do anything." This man loves me without condition.

I could not possibly be more in LOVE with him. 

His hard work and dedication to our family are evident in every minute of his absence. 

I respect his work ethic and his strive for balance; to be a present Father and Husband, yet still provide for us in a way that we do not want for anything. His girls deserve the best. We couldn't ask for more.

There is little for me to say that hasn't already been said to him in the whisperings of just... 'us'... but I want the world to know, that there has never been a better father, partner, lover or friend than this man I call mine.

One person's trash is another person's treasure..

Did I tell you I love charity shops? Well, truth be told, I LOVE a bargain... and this way I feel I am getting the best of both worlds; something cheap, quirky and one-of-a-kind... and also it IS charity (karma points!) and better for the environment than the throw away, mass produced Hight Street.

When I lived in Australia I used to go to the charity job regularly as I always found the most amazing jewellery. Even to this day, one of my most favourite pair of earrings are from St. Vincent de Paul and cost me the phenomenal price of 20c in 2003. I could always snap up a bargain clutch purse ("It's vintage, daaarhling!") and it was the fastest and cheapest way to collect my beloved Stephen King Hardbacks.

When I moved to London in 2005, charity shop trawling took a backseat for a number of reasons.
Firstly, believe it or not, central London does not have a huge amount of charity shops, you have to sort of head out into The 'Burbs to find an Oxfam, British Heart Foundation or Marie Curie...

Secondly, I worked in fashion, so I was pretty happy at that point to take my 200 quid bi-annual shopping allowance for our store instead (and of course it was policy to wear the clothes we were selling).

So since moving  to the country in 2008, I have rekindled my relationship with the charity shop. I have bought everything from writing paper to children's toys, to (more) jewellery and (even more) books.

That brings us to today, and the perfect example of why I like these treasures so much.

En route to getting my afternoon of pampering (maybe another blog entry?) I stopped by the afore mentioned Oxfam and British Heart Foundation in beautiful Farnham, Surrey. Of course, as always, I really just intended to browse... well....

I got a lovely fair trade writing set (made lovingly out of elephant dung no less)... an edition of Jane Austen Compilations in pristine condition AND a red corduroy dress for Avalon at the bargain price of 6.99 GBP when it retailed for 40.00 GBP (Oh yes, I had eyed it in Trotters many a time) which I shall pair with her own red patent mary janes.

This is a love affair I shall continue that is as close to guilt free spending that I think I will ever get. Little do my frineds and family know that this years Christmas gifts will either be handmade, lovingly purchased from a charity shop (thinking GREEN) or from Oxfam Online

Crunchy Credentials, Fluffy Bums & The Kindness of Strangers....

While I was pregnant with Avalon, I looked into using cloth nappies.
My husband and I were concerned about the environmental waste of using disposables and also the cost.
I won't lie, I also think they are more aesthetically pleasing than the ol' papery nappies I see and I can only imagine are more comfortable for babies bottoms.

It didn't take long before I realised that the old terry towelling squares I knew as a child had been replaced by funky, easy and functional modern cloth nappies, or MCN's as they are affectionately known.
Before we could say "I'll take 10 of the bamboo all-in-ones" our excitement turned to trepidation. Out-laying a stash of nappies for baby was going to set us back at least 200 quid! MAJOR BUMMER. Sure, we could see that over much time this option would be cheaper, but initially, it seemed (and was) a mountain of money.

So with much trepidation, Avalon started off in disposable nappies-- now, if I can redeem myself somewhat I will tell you that we purchased the most 'eco-wise' brand that we could (yes, yes, I can see you fellow crunchies snickering at your computer screens!) but even we know it is not the same. Using disposables never sat well with us. We were doing everything else that we felt was right for our daughter; from her birth in the calm and comfort of our living room to co-sleeping with her every night, feeding on demand (not a schedule that suited me), and never leaving her alone to cry. ... and then, here we were covering her bottom in pesky baby (and God knows what else.)

I put my virtual hand up and admitted to some of my fellow crunchies my dilemma, I was honest, and said that money was standing in the way of our cloth bottomed dream.

I connected with fellow cloth lover's on one of my all time favourite bloggers fan sites, Sausage Mama, and was beyond overwhelmed with the response I got... 'Hey, why don't I send you one?'.... and then the offers flowed in.

My husband and I were absolutely awed at the generosity and kindness of these women I had never met (although some of them have been the best virtual friends a gal could have!) Before I could blink, 13 lovely cloth nappies were being sent my way for Avalon. Wow. Just Wow.

I had the honour of meeting the lovely Sausage Mama, who organised the cloth nappy drive for me, and some of the women I had been chatting with through social networking when I went back to see family in Australia over Christmas, and picked up the MCN's for Avalon to use.

So now... I am proud to say, my daughter is a fluffy bum-covered baby, and that my friends, should finally earn me my crunchy credentials!

.... and to those Mamas.... THANK YOU... and Avalon thanks you the most.

Winter Wanderings....

There are few things I love more than a crisp winter's day here in the UK, it is chilly and fresh, yet the sun just keeps on shining. These days are so few and far between that when I wake up and see that piercing blue sky, I have to get out amongst it. It is these days that I think, yes... I DO love living here in the south east of England, and that, when we do eventually move on, I will miss it.

We love our family walks. This is something G and have I always done together and now we have A, it just makes it all the more special.

There are some amazing nature and heritage trails near where we live. Both being from countries that are considered relatively young in terms of history, we are amazed when we stumble upon structures from the 1600's (and sometimes earlier).

Last Sunday we took a walk along the Moor Park Heritage Trail; a one mile walk from Farnham to Waverly Abbey. It was the perfect way to spend a Sunday; in the sun and sloshing through the mud.... Me, G and A in the baby carrier. No pushchairs for us my friends....

New Beginnings...

Here are my New Year's Resolutions for 2011... I have decided to put them out there in the virtual universe, maybe it will help me be accountable for them.

Here goes. In no particularly order.

1. Make more time for reading.

Since having Avalon, I truly feel I have not had a spare moment to read... But then I think of the time I spend on Facebook and remember, well yes, I DO have some time to read.

2. Eating Cleanly.

Ok. So pretty much every year starts with a diet of sorts (apart from last year as I was 7 months pregnant) but THIS time, in a joint initiative with the hubby, we are going to make greener and healthier choices for us and A. Truth be told, we have actually been making steps towards this over the last year. I have stopped eating meat (G considers himself a 'part-time carnivore') We buy organic fruit, vegetables, bread (when we can) and dairy products and we go for less packaging and fair trade products when available. We also avoid 'bad' sugars and sweeteners. Believe it or not, this has very little to do with weight.
This year, we want to take it a step further, particularly now that A is starting to eat bits and pieces... It is called the D.E.S Diet, or the Don't Eat Shit Diet... A phrase coined by Twwly. Of course this goes hand in hand with getting regular exercise... I realise now I cannot neglect myself if I want to be the best person I can be and the best Mum for Avalon.

3. Be present & true.

This one is a little tricky and will probably be the most difficult to stick to.

I find that often I lack confidence to speak my mind when confronted with people and situations I find difficult. I smile and nod. or shy away. Well.... no more. I can no longer be a pushover, or have someone zing me with their negativity. I have realised over the past 12 months how dangerous this has been to me, stewing over conversations, losing sleep... so now? I vow to say my piece...breath...then let it go.
I have come away from meeting with friends and family feeling dejected over their comments and remarks, whether hurtful and negative on purpose or not; either way, I will make a greater effort (for my own well-being) to say what I feels needs to be said. I cannot sit and stew.... it is unhealthy.

I guess only time will tell. But here it is. In writing. I will do my best.