Tuesday, June 7, 2011

A dose of life...

The last two weeks have been lovely having Grant at home.

I toddle off to work two days a week and feel very calm and reassured that Avalon is with her Dad. Naturally I do not trust anyone as much as I do him so it puts my mind at great ease to know they are spending the day together. Avalon absolutely adores her father and I feel so content seeing them together; playing, cuddling, making dinner, being couch potatoes. I listen to her sing as he puts her to bed. I have said it many a time how grateful I am for the sort of father (and husband) Grant is. He has all the attributes of a perfect partner and for that I am always grateful.

Our days with Grant at home have been filled with trips out and about in our local area. Surrey and Hampshire has such beautiful countryside that we love nothing more than a day in the fresh air, walking, feeding the ducks and seeing what the south-east has to offer. In the last week we have visited both Winkworth Aboretum and Farnham Scultpure Park. Cream teas enjoyed at both. We had hoped to go away but with my friend due her baby any time we are at home.

At the same time I have found myself a little overwhelmed with commitments I have made.
I am coming up to my first homebirth meeting for the NCT, my very good friend is due to give birth any day so am on call to attend that, I have continually been slack with helping my friend with her birth choices website/business venture, I have parcels to send, letters to write, emails to type and so on. I have the opportunity to be part of a network in the local area of doulas, midwives, and alternative therapists (I cannot put a name to it at this point but it is VERY exciting stuff.) Another friend of mine has given birth last week to a beautiful girl at home and has struggled with breastfeeding. I have been to see her twice in the hope to offer my support. My attendance at La Leche League meetings, baby group, sling meets and the natural parenting group have fallen to the wayside in the past 2 to 3 weeks. I have found myself totally disorganised, feeling tired and also just wanting to seclude myself with my little family. I am working on my time management and learn that 'No' is not a dirty word. I create these problems myself. I have all of this in the back of my mind-- needing 25 hours in each day and yet, I feel so in limbo with what to do as we wait patiently to hear whether Grant will have a job offer.

He traveled to San Francisco to meet with a company 2 weeks ago and so far so good. This one company has been close to a 6 week process/interview and I have my fingers crossed that maybe, just maybe, we will have some clarification of where we might be within the next few months.We are at a crossroads with this job-- if Grant is given an offer, if it is what he wants (salary, opportunity) we could possibly be moving... which would leave me in limbo with my job? the homebirth role? My doula work/studies? This Libran is rubbish at making decisions. We have been thrown a curve ball and assumed there would be little disturbance to our day to day life with the role (to some degree)... but...  a big shake up may be in the works (cryptic I know-- but I cannot say more for now.)

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