Gratitude

Firstly I need to say I have found it increasingly difficult to find time to write since Lucian joined us. The most I can manage in a day are a few sentences here and there on Facebook (social networking can be done, one handed, whilst nursing a newborn!) Gone are the days I could nurse and READ A BOOK. There is a toddler too, so computer time falls under the category of 'me time' and number one in that category is showering. Then eating. Then I could only wish, sleep.

So much has happened in the last 3 months I could write 20 blog posts but will try to catch up a little here. There are a few events which are post worthy so I will save them for when I have the time to mull over my words. 

Life has changed, and we are moving onwards and upwards in fantastic ways. I come out of what has been an 'intense' (for lack of a better word) period with nothing but gratitude for my life; and namely the people that make it what it is.

Avalon has taken to the change of having a baby brother so well. It has been a challenge, and for the huge adjustment it is, I am so proud of her and thankful it has gone relatively smoothly. Most of the challenges have fallen to Grant and I in delegating our time between the two of them adequately and learning to be a family of four (not to mention somewhere along the line continue to nurture that couple that we are.) 
Avalon is totally and utterly in love with Lucian, and he her. It amazes me the way they 'connect' without really knowing each other- it is there, from day one and I am so excited and privileged to watch them grow together.

My little family is without a doubt my first priority. I feel so blessed to have health and happiness within our unit. We create these relationships somewhat but I can't help feeling a degree of luck must be involved as I still pinch myself that I am 'here'; A loving partner and 2 beautiful children. Blessed is all I can feel.

Just before Lucian's birth I had a lot of stress and upset due to the breakdown of a friendship- it was a truly terrible time as I prepared for Avalon's second birthday and reached full-term within my pregnancy. As always, Grant the voice of reason was and continues to be my rock. I am completely and utterly grateful to have such a kind, reasonable and intelligent partner for life. His integrity is admirable and as I was left to deal with mistrust and hurt, having deep regrets, feeling violated and what I viewed as an attempt to ostracise me from others;  he was right beside me guiding with his words and love. That man always 'does the right thing.' Knowing he 'has my back' is all I will ever need, and when you know from those you truly respect that you have done what is right, what you can to make amends, it is all the validation I could ever need. With his help, and a small group of amazing friends, I can safely say my shoulder is well and truly brushed off and I have forgiven (even when the wrong cannot be acknowledged.) I have learnt many lessons; to trust a select few,  to follow my gut instincts about others and sometimes the best course of action is not the easiest. I must learn to find my voice.

I feel really positive about those that choose to be in my life. I hold my head up high with integrity and know I can only do what I can do. Life is short and everyday I grow. I only hope that I can salvage something from this broken relationship. I am humbled.